One of the better race stories I've read ;)

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One of the better race stories I've read ;)

Postby --m-- » Sun May 21, 2006 1:05 pm

I borrowed my wife's Geo Metro last night. One liter of raw power, 3 cylinders of asphalt-tearing terror on thirteen-inch rims. It's stock, alright, nothing done to it, but it pushes the barely 2000 pounds of metro around with AUTHORITY. I'm always catching mopeds and 18-wheelers by surprise...

I was headed back from Baskin Robbins with my manly triple-latte cappuccino blast ("No Cinnamon, ma'am, I take it BLACK"), when I stopped at a streetlight. As the Metro throbbed its throaty idle around me, I sipped my bold beverage and wiped the white froth my stiff upper lip. I was minding my own business, but then I heard a rev from the next lane. I turned, made eye contact, then let my eyes trace over the competition. Ford Festiva -- a late model, could be trouble. Low profile tires, curb feelers, and schoolbus-yellow paint. Yep, a hot rod, for sure.

The howl of his motor snapped my reverie, and I looked back into the driver's eyes, nodded, then blipped my own throttle. As I tugged on my driving gloves and slipped on my sunglasses (gotta look cool to be fast, and I am *damn* cool, hence...), the night was split with the sound of seven screaming cylinders...

Then the light turned... I almost had him out of the hole, my three pounding cylinders thrusting me at least a millimeter back into my seat, as smoke pouring from my front right tire... my unlimited slip differential was letting me down! I saw in the corner of my eyes, a yellow snout gaining, and I heard the roar of his four cylinders. He slung by me, right front wheel juddering against the pavement, and he flashed me a smile as his .7 extra liters of motor stretched its legs. I kept my foot gamely in it, though, waiting for the CHECK ENGINE light to blink on in the one-gauge (no tachometer here!) instrument panel. I saw a glimpse of chrome under his bumper, and knew the ugly truth... He was running a custom exhaust -- probably a 2-into-1 dual exhaust...maybe event cutouts! Damn his hot-rod soul! The old lady passing us on the crosswalk cast a dirty look in our boy-racer direction...

Yet still I persisted, with my three pumping pistons singing a heady high-pitched song, wound fully out. Though only a few handfuls of seconds had passed, we were nearing the crosswalk at the other side of the intersection, and I heard the note of his engine change as he made his shift to second, and I saw his grin in his rearview mirror fade as he missed the shift! I rocketed by, shifting, and nursed the clutch gently in to keep from bogging, keeping my motor spinning hot and pulling me ahead, now trailing a cloud of stinking clutch smoke. Not ready to give up so easily, he left his foot in it, revving, and I heard one wheel *almost* chirp as he finally found second and dropped the clutch. We careened over the crosswalk, now going at least 15 miles per hour. A bicyclist passed us, but intent on the race as we were, neither of us batted an eye.

He pulled slowly abreast of me, and neck and neck, we made the shift to third, the scream of motors deafening all pedestrians within a five foot circle. He nosed ahead as we passed 30 miles an hour, then eased in front of me, taunting, as we shifted into fourth. I was staring up the dual 6" chrome tips of his exhaust, snarling, my cappuccino forgotten, as he lifted a little to take the next corner.

I saw my opportunity, and counting on the innate agility of my trusty steed, I pulled wide into the number two lane and kept my foot buried in carpet. Slowly, I inched around him, feeling my Metro roll slowly to the left as I came abreast in the midst of this gradual sweeping turn. I felt the Geo ease onto its suspension stops, and felt the right rear wheel slowly leave the ground - no matter, though, because my drive wheels, up front, were pulling me through the corner, and around the Festiva ...

The Ford driver beat his wheel in rage as my wife's car eased past him on the outside, my P165/54R13's screaming in protest, as we raced to the next light. We coasted down, neck-and neck, to the red light. I tightened my driving gloves, ready for another round, when this WIMP in the next car meekly flipped his turn signal and made a right. Chevy (Suzuki) superiority reigns!!!

I drove off sipping my masculine drink, awash in my sheer virility, looking for other unwitting targets.... Perhaps a Yugo, or maybe even a Volkswagon Van!
Once you've hit rock bottom there's only one way to go....sideways
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Postby X-OvrDistortion » Sun May 21, 2006 2:23 pm

I like it. I needed a laugh. Thanks.

BTW, time for a supercharger!!
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Postby jlaine » Sun May 21, 2006 2:38 pm

Like that dolt with the eagle talon and the stickers and the wing has here in morris... The electronic kind.

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Postby flak_monkey » Sun May 21, 2006 4:11 pm

HAHAHAHA! I had a similar, yet more manly, experience when I let "Kitty" (my 1987 Series 3 Jaguar XJ6) eat a late model BMW 5 series. Except no frilly beverages. But what's a race without a froofroo coffee from an ice cream store? Nothing, that's what! Thanks so much for the laugh!

No curb feelers for me, I have worn out suspension in the rear. The valence under the boot (errrrr that's britishy-talk for trunk) IS my curb feeler.
me "Baby, did you feel that?"
girlfriend "yeah, what was it"
me "the curb"
g/f "dar?" (dar is g/f-speak for "what the f*ck?")
me "we went over the bump too fast and Kitty "Mc-Lowrider-Pants" decided to cop a feel on the pavement"
g/f "oh, you should fix that"
me "yeah, I should.:cwm11:"


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Postby Ezekiel81923 » Tue May 23, 2006 12:09 am say the least
Pioneer -- A/D/S -- AA Poly Mids -- Helix Dark Blue --
-- Orion HCCA -- Oz Matrix Elites -- Stinger -- Knukonceptz

Next In Line: a/d/s P4100
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Postby rthompson » Tue May 23, 2006 9:24 pm

LOL i saw that a few years ago... funny as hell.

I was driving around one day and i had the decal on the side of the car off so this guy in a Hundai Tiburon thought he was going to beat a v6 Camaro, not the 95 Z28..... i heard his rev before the light turned and i glanced over at him and he was giving me the stare. I took off just slightly faster than i do normally at a light and kept right with him for about a quarter block his motor was screaming.... looked right in his window and gave him a laughing look and shook my head .... at the next light i actually gave it gas, you know those Tiburons just aren't very fast... i left him way behind. I was wondering can the Tiburon take even a 3.4L Camaro? What was this guy thinking.
Duffman says a lot of things... oh yeah!!

"Don't think about greasy pork......" Jakezor
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Postby flak_monkey » Wed May 24, 2006 8:39 pm

I know it's blasphemous to the old fart Jag guys (but they are the ones that help me fix the car so I can't knock them too much), but I'm turning my parts car into a fully blown big block chevy drag racer. You know that rear end can take 500hp without even a whimper, not to mention what it can do when you weld a few small supports to it. I'm also getting rid of the 4.2 litre inline six cylinder in my daily driver ("kitty") in favor of a chevy 383 stroker with EFI and a new transmission. Fitting a manual, sadly, is almost impossible so I'll go with something that has overdrive. Oh yeah, I'm scrapping that bafflingly anemic 4.2 litre XK engine and injecting screaming american muscle into a car that's sexy enough to kill you... with SEXINESS:cwm18: ! LOL

crap I love my car too much.

I think an xj6 would look wicked with a big blower poking out of the hood.:cwm11:


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